We all deal with negative emotions at one time or another. We may be having a "bad hair day," we may meet someone that really irritates us, we may get hurt, ignored, or mistreated by someone. Some of us carry those negative emotions all the time because they have been buried so deep in our psyche that they almost totally shape our sense of identity.
WHAT ARE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS?
I want you to think of emotions as ENERGY. That's what they are! The emotions (energy) can be positive or negative.
Here is one principle I want you to understand and carry with you as you deal with your daily interactions with people and yourself:
POSITIVE ENERGY is nearly the same as NEGATIVE ENERGY (emotions). Both are just focused in different directions. Got it? The "car" is the same, except you can go south or north. If you go north you will end up in San Francisco, if you go south you will end up in San Diego.
HOW DO POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ENERGY WORK?
Going back to the example of the car. The "car" is energy. If you are going north and you realize that's not where you want to go (negative energy) don't fight it! Instead, turn around and go south! I know it almost sounds like I am insulting your intelligence! But that's the way it works!
Let me get practical here.
If you are experiencing frustration and you are able to strip away the circumstances that caused the frustration, the RAW ENERGY of frustration feels a lot like enthusiasm. Think about it: frustration and enthusiasm are the same energy (car) going in two different directions, negative which is frustration (north) or positive which is enthusiasm (south).
If you are experiencing intense feelings of anger/hostility and you are able to strip away the circumstances that caused the feelings of anger/hostility the RAW ENERGY feels a lot like passionate love. Have you heard of angry couples that make love like crazy after a very bad fight? Why is that? The same energy can go in two different directions (north or south); negative or positive. Passion can serve the purpose of destruction or intense bonding. By the way, love making after a fight is a bad idea if one or both spouses are into denial and not resolving conflict. Great idea, if they are good at conflict resolution!
Let me give you one more example. The feeling of determination for something positive could turn into calculated cruelty and incredibly manipulative behavior, which is negative energy.
For everything that you feel the urge to oppose, there is something else that you can support. Each instance of negative/destructive energy has a positive counterpart.
Here is my point, when you're feeling negative, you're actually quite close to feeling positive. Let me help you imagine this picture so you will understand the next step. The moment you are able to identify negative energy and toxicity in yourself, remember, (see it with your mind) you are just one step away from experiencing positive and healing energy! Have you ever dealt with negative and toxic people? Well, those same people are one step away from to being incredibly positive, affirming, loving and encouraging. Imagine all the negative energy you can experience or observe in others re-directed towards something positive.
WHAT'S THE KEY TO SWITCHING NEGATIVE INTO POSITIVE?
There are two simple steps:
1. CHOICE
Of course you have come to expect that answer from me. Choice is about character and character is all about choice.
The best way to DEAL with negative energy is not to fight against it but instead, CHOOSE to make positive use of that energy by redirecting it. No one can choose for you. That is your unique privilege. CHOICE is your ultimate right. Blaming, lying, excusing, justifying, explaining or reacting is just a symptom that shows you are not willing to CHOOSE and assume responsibility for harnessing your RAW ENERGY. It is very sad and even painful, to observe someone experiencing so much negative energy while knowing that the same person is so close to being a magnificent force for good. Some of the bitterest people I have dealt with are those who are just one inch from being the most loving people. Just one inch! The worst marital conflicts that often end up in divorce and wounded children were just one inch away from turning into magnificent marriages! What a waste! Personal choice is the one switch that makes a world of difference.
2. IS CHOOSING ENOUGH?
Some clients have told me: "Well, I made the choice to be positive instead of negative and nothing happens!" Good point! Right after you CHOOSE to change the direction of your RAW ENERGY from negative to positive you must now REPLACE the negative fuel that fed the negative energy or emotion with positive fuel.
Think of it this way. Negative energy is fueled by negative thoughts in your brain. Positive energy is fueled by positive thoughts.
The law of replacement works this way. Your brain will never be empty. Your brain will never be on neutral. There will always be something replacing something. Even your "dream" system is meant to fuel your energy. Did you ever have a bad dream and you were filled with negative energy all day long? Did you experience the same with a happy dream? Have you ever finished a conversation with a negative person that doesn't allow you to resolve a conflict and you end up with negative energy? Have you ever had a dialogue with a positive person that affirms you and you feel totally positive at the end of the conversation? Fuel is anything that enters your brain or emotional system. Fuel will produce energy!
But you see, you are always in control of what enters your brain and emotional system. Even when you face a negative person you can choose to fuel your brain with positive thoughts. That is the role of healthy spirituality.
If you have chosen to turn your negative emotions into positive energy you must immediately fill your brain with positive thoughts. YOU MUST REPLACE NEGATIVE FUEL (Negative thoughts) WITH POSITIVE FUEL (Positive thoughts). There is no way around it!
Just make the choice to focus the intensity of your feelings on what you value and appreciate, rather than on what you don't want. REPLACE hate with love. REPLACE unloving actions with thoughts of affirmation. REPLACE hostility with forgiveness. REPLACE the raw anger and bitterness you experience with thoughts of God and His grace. REPLACE fear with trust. REPLACE frustration with calmness. REPLACE victimization with personal responsibility. REPLACE negative feelings by going into nature or going to the gym. REPLACE selfishness with time spent with someone that needs help. REPLACE hostility with meditation and reflection.
No matter what is coming your way, you can redirect the power of your life in a positive direction. Remember what you're in favor of, and put your life into it. As long as you keep looking at what you don't want, that's exactly what you will get! Apply this to marriage, divorce, parenting, work situations, family tensions.
Let me finish by sharing with you what works for me. When I find myself driven by negative energy I CHOOSE to change the direction of my energy by figuring out my REPLACEMENT strategy immediately. It has become like an instantaneous shift. When I feel negative I connect with God a lot. He is my spiritual bluetooth! It works! It's amazing what parking the car for 10 minutes does when I decide I need to chat with God. When I experience negative feelings I call my kids to see how they are doing. It's amazing how much they love me. Very often by listening to them my own negative stuff is replaced with feelings of positive affirmation! I use lots of imagery to deal with negativity. What would happen if I could love this person instead of holding grudges or hating him? What would happen if I would give this pressing situation to God? What would happen if I tell God about my financial pressure or emotional tension instead of driving someone else crazy? What would happen if instead of complaining about a situation I choose to become an agent of change and affirmation? I can describe hundreds of scenarios like these. I discipline myself to choose what I am in favor of, instead of "bitching" about what I am opposed to! Negative energy is toxic to the body, the mind and the people of your universe.
Friend, I am excited about this, because it WORKS! I wanted to pass it on to you.
Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt is co-founder of the "LIFE ZONE." Harold is a consultant, a seminar speaker and a LIFE Motivational Coach. The "LIFE ZONE" is a resource and a coaching center for personal and spiritual growth committed to providing sound strategies for dynamic living and LIFE FITNESS. Harold believes that PAIN is the greatest window into the best life has to offer! PAIN is never pleasant, it's never fun; but great people have always faced PAIN and difficult times before they found the key to a magnificent life. Harold resides in Southern California and is the father of four wonderful human beings! For more information and coaching visit: http://www.lifezonelive.com or call 1-888-MYZONE2 (699-6632)
Are You Fed Up With Religion
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